改变思维6:15个小方法来加深你与任何人的关系

15 LITTLE WAYS  to deepen your  RELATIONSHIP  WITH ANYONE

15个小方法来加深你与任何人的关系

01. Spend a Sunday with them. Not a Saturday night, when everything is bustling and loud and socially seamless. Spend a Sunday morning with them, tired and hung over and without plans for the day. Eat breakfast together and don’t fix your hair. Experience each other without needing to entertain.

和他们一起度过一个星期天。不是一个周六的晚上,而是当一切都是熙熙攘攘,喧闹和社交天衣无缝的时候。和他们一起度过一个周日上午,疲惫不堪,宿醉不堪,没有一天的计划。一起吃早餐,别理头发。无需娱乐即可体验彼此。

02. Be comfortably silent. Go for a long drive and allow for bouts of quietness as they naturally happen. Existing in someone’s silence is existing in the most intimate part of their life.

保持安静。长时间开车,让自己自然地安静下来。存在于某人的沉默中是存在于他们生活中最亲密的部分。

03. Call them when you’re not okay. Take them up on the promise to be there for you no matter what. Tell them the truth. Let them comfort and console you. Tell them that you’re there for them if they ever need it. Hold true to that promise.

你不舒服的时候给他们打电话。接受他们的承诺,无论发生什么,都会在你身边。告诉他们真相。让他们安慰和安慰你。告诉他们,如果他们需要你,你会帮助他们。信守承诺。

04. Hold space for them. Listen to what they have to say wholly. Without anticipating your response, without checking your phone, without wandering eyes. Give them the entirety of your energy. There is nothing more precious and sacred and rare.

为他们保留空间。听听他们要说什么。没有预料到你的反应,没有检查你的手机,没有徘徊的眼睛。给他们你全部的能量。没有比这更珍贵、更神圣、更稀有的了。

05. Talk about ideas. What you believe in. What you theorize about existence or what fate could have in store for you in the next five years. Just move beyond discussing people and events and petty, daily grievances.

谈论想法。你的信仰。你关于存在的理论,或者未来五年你的命运。不要再讨论人、事和琐碎的日常抱怨了。

06. Read each other’s favorite books. Trade your personal copies—the ones that are highlighted and marked up, where the binding is almost completely breaking loose from having been flipped through so many times. Share with them something that opened your heart and fed your mind.

读彼此最喜欢的书。将你的个人复制品换成高亮显示和标记的,因为翻阅了这么多次,装订几乎完全松脱。与他们分享一些让你心旷神怡的东西。

07. Create something together. Start a little business or work on a story or paint pictures for fun. Go on a service trip or build a coffee table or redecorate your respective kitchens. Do something where you team up for a greater cause.

一起创造一些东西。做点小生意,写个故事,或者画些有趣的画。进行一次服务之旅,或者建造一张咖啡桌,或者重新装饰各自的厨房。做一些你为更伟大的事业而合作的事情。

08. Pay attention to the little things. Notice what they’re often most bothered by, what their favorite flavor of ice cream is. Know their Taco Bell order so you can surprise them with it. Not everybody is naturally detail-oriented, so make it an intention to be. People appreciate it more than you realize.

注意小事情。注意他们最常烦恼的是什么,他们最喜欢的冰淇淋口味是什么。了解他们点的食物,这样你就可以给他们惊喜了。并不是每个人都天生注重细节,所以一定要做到这一点。人们比你意识到的更欣赏它。

09. Attend your respective religious/spiritual services/practices together. For the sake of understanding, go to their church service one Sunday, or show them how you meditate, or ask them what they believe and why. Let them be your guide through something you otherwise wouldn’t know. There is something absolutely extraordinary in learning about someone else’s culture or dogma or lifestyle, in practicing what it means to lovingly coexist.

一起参加各自的宗教/精神服务/实践。为了理解,一个星期天去他们的教堂做礼拜,或者向他们展示你是如何冥想的,或者问他们信仰什么以及为什么。让他们成为你的向导,引导你完成一些你不知道的事情。在了解别人的文化、教条或生活方式,在实践爱的共存意味着什么的过程中,有着绝对不寻常的东西。

10. Plan a short trip. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Explore a neighboring city for a day or go for a hike. Plan in advance so you have something to look forward to.

计划一次短途旅行。它不需要精心制作或昂贵。在邻近城市探索一天或徒步旅行。提前计划,这样你就有了期待。

11. Integrate them in your other social circles. Merge your friends together for a wine night, no matter how deeply you’re convinced they’ll have nothing in common. There’s something so intimate and special about gathering all the separate parts of your life in one place.

将他们融入你的其他社交圈。把你的朋友们聚在一起共度美酒之夜,不管你多么确信他们没有共同之处。把你生活中的各个部分集中在一个地方是如此的亲密和特殊。

12. Always show up. To their baby showers and art exposés and graduations and moving days. Not because that’s what “good friends/boyfriends/girlfriends do,” but because that’s what you do when you care about someone else’s happiness as much as you do your own.

总是出现。给他们的宝宝洗澡、艺术展览、毕业典礼和搬家日。这不是因为“好朋友/男朋友/女朋友”就是这么做的,而是因为当你像关心自己的幸福一样关心别人的幸福时,你就是这样做的。

13. Plan your heart-to-hearts. The older you get, the more inconvenient it becomes to talk until 3 a.m. (There’s work to do and groceries to buy and parents to call and you get the picture.) So plan ahead if you must. Decide to have a sleepover and keep the next day open so you can stay up and sleep in and relive your middle school glory days.

用心规划。你年纪越大,凌晨3点之前谈话就越不方便(有工作要做,有杂货要买,有父母要打电话给你,你就能了解情况。)因此,如果必须的话,提前做好计划。决定过夜,并保持第二天开放,这样你就可以熬夜睡觉,重温你的中学时光。

14. Talk about your families and what it was like growing up. It’s one thing to meet your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend’s relatives, but it’s quite another to hear the whole story, the reality, the not-ready-forcompany-imperfect-picture of what they experienced. This isn’t a call to needlessly air the dirty laundry, but rather understand that you won’t really know somebody unless you understand the truth of their foundation.

谈谈你的家庭和成长经历。与朋友/男朋友/女朋友的亲戚见面是一回事,但听到他们经历的整个故事、现实、不准备与人交往的不完美画面则完全是另一回事。这不是一个不必要地吹毛求疵的呼吁,而是要明白,除非你了解某个人的过去,否则你不会真正了解他。

15. Be filterless. Don’t mince your words or tailor your opinions or only present the side of you that you feel is “acceptable.” If they don’t want the whole of you, the truth of who you are, they’re not right for you anyway. And more importantly, people can sense genuineness and will subconsciously take it as a cue that they’re free to be who they really are as well.

保持真实。不要直言不讳,不要改变你的观点,也不要只表达你认为“可以接受”的一面。如果他们不想要你的全部,你是谁的真相,他们无论如何都不适合你。更重要的是,人们可以感觉到真实性,并会下意识地将其视为一种暗示,表明他们也可以自由地成为真正的自己。

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